Should Bad Tips Earn You the Boot?

I read an article today about Kanpai Japanese Steak and Seafood House in Winston-Salem, NC banning a woman from the restaurant for not tipping well. There's been a lot of division in the food community around here about whether this is acceptable behavior or not. The establishment claims that since none of the staff was willing to serve her, they were forced to refuse service to her. The woman, who is black, claims discrimination.

I'm of two minds on this. On one hand, restaurants pay their servers below the minimum wage and expect them to make up the difference in their tips. Which means that if this woman truly didn't tip, or tipped below the socially accepted 20-25% all the time, the staff has a right to be upset about it. In that sense, the management team was looking out for their staff's well being and congratulations to them for it.

However, there are two problems I see with this philosophy. Firstly, the business the establishment drove away by banning a patron over tips is likely to affect their bottom line. I would certainly think twice before dining somewhere if I thought my tip was subject to inspection and approval. The article doesn't state whether the woman habitually didn't leave a tip or if she just grossly under tips, but the point is irrelevant. Tipping is NOT required. I understand all of the arguments servers want to make for condoning her banishment from the restaurant, but at the crux of the argument, she was banned for not performing what is still technically a voluntary action.

Which brings me to the biggest problem I have with the entire argument. Tipping is voluntary, yet servers depend on tips for their livelihood because of the way the system is set up. They are under-paid because the system expects customers to make up the difference by tipping the server. Most patrons feel a sense of entitlement though. As if good service deserves a good tip, while what they perceive as poor service deserves a poor tip. Which means that, basically, you are left with a system in which payment rendered is based solely upon the customer's perception of how well the job was performed. Why do we accept this as a valid system?

Think on it some and tell me what you think? Keep the tipping system, ban the patron, or fix the system?

Celiac Dreams

 The Savvy Celiac ran a survey about changes made to the celiac community that we wish were made in the last decade. Things like better awareness about the disease, in the medical community and the food community as well, and better labeling for foods and medications.  All of these issues are of the utmost importance for those of us living with celiac.

I have a few more things I'd like to bring up, though. One of the major grievances I have with the celiac community is the price and portions of gluten free products. Gluten free products cost so much more than similar products made with gluten based ingredients, and often, there's less of it. For instance, my loaf of Dr. Schar's Gluten Free Whole Grain Bread cost me about $5.50. The loaf is smaller than a regular loaf of bread in two ways: the number of slices, and the actual size of the slice. My sandwiches look like tea sandwiches. So in essence, I pay more money for less bread. I realize the ingredients for the bread are more costly, so I understand the need for higher price, but can I please have a big-girl slice of bread? I like food, and I get hungry, and tea sandwich doesn't fill me up. Almost all of the gluten free products are like this. If you must charge more, make the portion size worth my money. Those of us with celiac don't have the option of buying other products, and companies are taking advantage of that necessity to overcharge for their goods. It needs to be changed.

Another grievance I have is the availability of gluten free products at major supermarket chains. Not everyone has access to specialty grocery stores. The Giants and Food Lions of the world need to take more initiative in providing a wider range of brands and products. Some improvement on this front was made, but not enough. I've seen many grocery stores carry Amy's organic products, but not carry the gluten-free varieties. It's unacceptable. While we're on this line of thinking, I also want to see grocery stores separate the gluten free from the organic foods. Just because it is oraganic does not make a product gluten free and vice versa. It makes for a tedious trip to the grocery store. Some brands, like Amy's, make both organic products with gluten and ones that are gluten free. I know the tendency is to itemize products by brand, but it's made for difficult shopping. There's a great little health food store in Denville, NJ that has an aisle just for the gluten free products it carries. It also has a separate freezer for frozen goods that are gluten free. Shopping there was one of the most pleasurable experiences I've had. I could go to the aisle, pick a product, and know that it was safe for me to eat. Because of that, I was willing to make the trip to Denville to shop there.

One final note, and this one's minor, but it would be lovely. I'd love to see restaurants doing gluten free desserts. More often than not, when I dine out, I can find an entrée and side dish that are gluten free and delicious, but for dessert I'm stuck with vanilla ice cream. I love vanilla ice cream, but I also love cookies and cake. Even a crustless cheesecake would be a better option. So often this diet is about exclusion. Order this dish without that sauce. Don't eat that. I'd love to see the restaurant world embrace the challenge of making it a diet of inclusion. Even if they have to contract out to companies making pre made gluten free desserts. I don't know...just get creative.

It's all about education and involvement. And I hope the changes won't take another ten years to come.

Better Labeling, Better Health?

The New York Times ran an article about the changes consumer groups want made to food labels, called A Makeover for Food Labels. The theory is that if food labels were easier to read, and contained more accurate information, then consumers would make healthier food choices. Personally, I'm a bit skeptical of that, but we'll leave it alone for now. I took a look at the new label, which you can view here.

I like it for two reasons. First, the print is a little larger and they've eliminated all caps, which makes the label easier to read quickly. And secondly, the ingredient information is organized in a way that makes sense to me. It separates major ingredients, minor ingredients (defined as 2% or less), and allergen information.

As someone who spends her life reading ingredient labels for allergen information, that last one is a big deal. The FDA has required for some time that major allergens be listed separately, but often they get crammed at the bottom of the ingredient list, where they sort of blend in. It can be hard to spot, which makes labels such as that potentially harmful. This new one makes it larger, highlights the information in red, and does what it's intended to do: draw the eye to it. While gluten is still not an allergen that is always listed, the layout of the ingredient list makes it easier for me to identify gluten containing components.

I don't care so much about the daily amount percentages, mostly because I'm one of those people that eats what I want in moderation. For people watching their sugar, sodium, fat, or caloric intake, though, there are some changes to that section as well. The most notable is the addition of the word HIGH in red lettering to daily amounts over 20%.

Whether this leads to consumers making healthier choices or not, I'm in favor of the new label, simply because it makes it easier to find information. I'm probably still going to put the sugary, fattening, calorie-filled snack in my shopping cart, but it will be nice to be able to see just how sugary, fattening, and calorie-filled it is before I do.

Too Fat to Graduate

Too Fat For a B.A.? is an article run by Lemondrop. I encountered it via Twitter and I have to say, I'm a little disgusted.

This is a dangerous line for the university to tread. Why? Because it borders on hazing. Actually, in my opinion, it absolutely is hazing, but we'll get to that in a moment. College is a stressful time for most kids. A lot of them are leaving the house for the first time and being exposed to an unending stream of new experiences. By forcing students who are overweight to take an additional course will only add to the already enormous amount of pressure placed on them. I'm all for requiring students to take a fitness class to learn about healthier lifestyle choices, but if you're going to make it mandatory, make it mandatory for everyone.

Which is why I say this is hazing. If a sorority or fraternity did this to its new members, they'd get in major legal trouble with the university, their national headquarters, and the Panhellenic or Interfraternal Councils. And indeed, many have gotten into trouble this way. If this kind of behavior is sanctioned by the university under the guise of concern for the students' health, what example does it send our young people? It tells them that singling out a group of others based on how they look is an acceptable reason to hold them to different standards. It's not. Students go to college to get an education, and yes, that education should include a course on healthy habits, but not simply because a student falls outside a set of arbitrary parameters. It's a dangerous precedent to set. It says that if research proved that men had a higher tendency towards violence, that they could be required to take a class on anger management. Or if women were more prone to depression, they could be forced to seek mandatory counseling. Whenever you target one group for different treatment, you open the door for other groups to fall victim.

In addition, this ignores the needs of a different set of students. Those who are considered underweight are just as unhealthy as those who are overweight. Anorexia, bulimia, and other body dismorphic disorders are serious conditions and equally life threatening, but in this society are often overlooked. This is because we glamorize "thin" and "skinny" in favor of healthy. And college is the perfect breeding ground for these conditions to develop. Yet, the university is making no such sanctions for those whose BMI is below the normal range to take a similar course. It is sending the message that too thin is better than too fat.

I can't really give the school much credit for their efforts to make their students more healthy because they've chosen to do it in such a misguided fashion. My college required all of us to take a health course as part of our general education core. At the time I found it tedious, but now I respect them for choosing that path over the one that Lincoln University has chosen. I hope the school officials see arguments and posts such as this one and take a long, hard look at the message they want to send versus the implications they seem to be making.

What Should Waiters Do? Pt. 2

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Calorie Wars

NY Times ran a column studying how posted calories affect food orders in fast food restaurants. Two studies were commented on, to conflicting conclusions. One study said there was no effect, and the other study saw some change in the way people ordered.

What does this all mean? To me, it says that calorie information alone is a poor way to determine a healthy diet. Not because monitoring calories is, in and of itself a bad thing, but because I still think that the average person doesn't understand the complex nature of caloric intake and output. Numerous studies have shown that people overeat when presented with lower calorie snacks. The idea is that they believe the food is healthier for them, so they can afford to indulge more than normal, and then end up over indulging.

The fact is, dieting is a complex process. Any one factor isn't enough to determine good health. You need to balance what you eat. A healthy diet is one in which you get enough vitamins, minerals, proteins, fiber, and fat. Counting calories is an oversimplification. It doesn't account for the other benefits you might receive from a particular food.

I find it especially unhelpful to do so in fast food restaurants. Fast food evolved from an occasional indulgance to a staple meal in the American household for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it's a full meal for very little money. The cost of healthy ingredients is rising, but people's paychecks are not. Worrying about the calorie count of a given item is a luxury that many in this country can't afford.

I've seen this with soup kitchens as well. As much as we try to give our clients at GCN access to fruit and vegetables, most of the time, the meals are starch based. Why? Because grains and tubers are cheap. Rice costs less than vegetables. And it's more filling. It's a high calorie, starchy meal, to make you feel fuller for longer, provided in the least expensive manner.

Until healthy food is made affordable and accessible, and until people see the benefit in cooking for themselves, placing calorie listings on fast food is like trying to take a bath with your clothes one. It might seem like a good idea, but it doesn't really accomplish much in the long run.

The New York Times ran an article called Tater Tots for Two: It's a Date! last week. It's all about the trend towards eating casual and drinking cheap while dating in New York. Apparently, the dinner date is reserved for later in the game, when you've decided you actually like someone.

The article has a logic to it that I can certainly uderstand. I met my guy in a bar my first week in the city. I was out with friends celebrating my birthday. He complimented my emerald green patent leather ballet flats and bought me a glass of bar wine. We left with each others' numbers and an agreement to meet for drinks.

Meeting for drinks is safer. You go somewhere quiet-ish, talk a little, build up your confidence over a gin and tonic (or a Jack and ginger), and see how the night progresses. Our first date progressed past the drink stage to dinner at Giorgio's where he's a regular, and where I now am too. Clearly, it didn't take us as long to figure out that we liked each other and that sharing a nice meal was something we wanted to do. But I understand the hesitation.

Later that week, I went out with another guy I met at the same bar as Michael. Remember, it was my first week living here, so I figured making friends was high on the priority list. We also met for drinks. He took me to a tapas bar in midtown that served cucumber sangria, which is the only thing I remember about the place. Then he took me to a hookah bar. I don't smoke. We didn't see each other again. It was an awkward, exhausting evening, and I'm glad it wasn't dinner. The addition of food to the evening would have made it even harder to muddle through.

These bar dates have some truth to them. There's a ton of pressure at dinner to behave a certain way, talk about certain things, and even be dressed accordingly. But when you meet at a dive, or a cart selling falafel, that pressure sort of goes away. And there's that element of adventure. My friends and I used to joke about getting dressed for prom and going to McDonald's for dinner, but that's exactly what you're doing on a dive date. You're getting dressed to go somewhere unexpected. If it goes well, then you can progress to the next step. Whatever that step is.

Like Michael and me. We do things out of sequence. We follow our food whims to Crif Dogs, or Whole Foods, or take out at his apartment. Or Brandy Library and Ayza for some self indulgence. I like that I never know what neighborhood I'm going to end up in when we go out together. I like the idea of starting somewhere and then meandering to somewhere else. It's planned spontaneity and it suits me. And that's the most important part of dating. Not the food, not the restaurant, the dive, or the bar, but meeting someone that fits your flow. Mine is erratic, even capricious, but then again, he thinks its charming. So far.

What Should Waiters Do?

 Waiter Rant responded to an NY Times article from the perspective as a waiter. I'm responding as someone who both understands the staff perspective AND as a patron. My responses are bolded.

One Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do! WTF?
October 29th, 2009 by Waiter

There was an entry in today’s “You’re the Boss” blog on the New York Times website entitled “One Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers should never do. (Part 1).” Oh man, I just had this rip a new one. My responses are in italics.

ONE HUNDRED THINGS RESTAURANT STAFFERS SHOULD NEVER DO
By BRUCE BUSCHEL

Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?

1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting. Translation - “I’ll be happy to make you feel warm, cuddly and take you for everything you’re worth.” A simple hello will suffice.

2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar. Yeah, but we waiters know you’re on a blind date and are already laying bets if you’re gonna bolt when you discover your internet love is 300 pounds of unwashed manic-depressive goodness. If you feel bad being asked if you're dining alone, then you need to spend more time with your therapist. There is nothing shameful about taking yourself out for a meal.

3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived. This is complete bullshit and a money loser for the restaurant. What happens when you seat those three people but their friend doesn’t show up for an hour? I’ll tell you what – they’ll eat bread and water while waiting for their friend to get his or her chronically passive-aggressive late ass in gear. The result being that the restaurant can’t turn the table and no one, including the waiter, makes money. If 3/4 of my party is available and on time, then you are wasting my time by not seating me and I'm more likely to leave. As a rule, I will wait at the bar for no more than 20 minutes and then I will start without the tardy member of my party. This is a courtesy to both the restaurant and to them.

4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right. Okay, that might work if your restaurant has a bar or some other space for people to enjoy their “amuse-bouche.” But have you seen how tightly packed restaurants are in Manhattan? Enjoy your free cocktail in that coat closet! If I have reservations at a restaurant, and have waited patiently, and you are holding up my meal for more than 30 minutes without offering some concession, I will leave. Overbooking is not a proper excuse for treating loyal clientele poorly. Expecting me to wait for a reasonable amount of time is acceptable. Expecting me to wait for longer than that without offering something to make up for it is not. Period. Sorry, Waiter, tiny restaurants and large crowds don't excuse rudeness.

5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated. Yeah, we had little rubber wedges called “Shuv-Its” to level the table. Whenever I had a customer who whined about their table (After they knocked it askew with their goddamn baby carriage) I’d tell them it’d help them “Shove it.” Got some priceless looks with that line. They *should* be level, but the reality is, a lot of places have turnover that's too high for this. If the table wobbles a little, it's not offensive to let someone know. In a perfect world all tables would be level. In this one, shit happens. Deal with the problem, then move on.

6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral. Since when did customers become witnesses? Maybe when the waiter goes postal and indulges in some blunt force trauma fun with a bottle of Perrier. This is a restaurant's way of making money and the waiters are trying to upcharge you for it. I would find it refreshing to meet one that wasn't trying to poach more money from my wallet.


7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness. I agree with this one. Telling a customer your name just gives them permission to shout it across the dining room when they run out of bread. But no cuteness? How can I not be me? I agree as well. Be professional. Unless I'm a regular and have established a friendship with you. Obviously that changes the rules.

8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment. But if they’re rude and talking on a cell phone for ten minutes – interrupt away. Half the time they’re talking to their therapist anyway. Smashing the phone to bits is a nice touch too. If you must interrupt me, be polite about it and acknowledge the fact with an "excuse me." You need to turn your table over as quickly as possible and that's fine, but advertising that fact is rude and will not net you a good tip.

9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition. So how are the actors waiting tables ever going to get any practice in? How can they bring “something unique to their role?” Recite the specials in a normal conversational tone. It's common sense and we both should be using it.

10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials. So what do you do when a customers asks, “Well, what do you like?” Tell them it’s all good? Something sucks. Customers aren’t that stupid. You *should* tell me what you prefer. Just because something is a special, doesn't make it worth eating. If the seasonal vegetables are particularly nice, or the fish is especially delicious, I want to know. Conversely, if the meat is dry or the sauce is a bit salty, I want to know that too. I'm paying money for this and if it sucks, I'm not going to be pleased.

11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left. But if you hear a waiter say “the lobster’s been very popular tonight” that means we’re running low. I agree with the Waiter here. If done tactfully, there's a right way to move certain items on the menu. Being a good waiter is being a good salesman.

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass. Agreed. You can really never know if your waiter washed his hands after taking a dump. Sadly, I agree as well. Waiters, wash your damn hands. Patrons too.

13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles. See above. Ditto.

14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right. Wrong. A good waiter should never ask “How’s everything?” That entertains the possibility that the kitchen produced crap. Perish the thought! Customers need to grow a set and tell the waiter they don’t like their food. We’re not mind readers. Wrong. You should ask me if I'm enjoying my meal. I agree that it is my responsibility to inform you of a problem, but you work in the "hospitality industry" and that involves being hospitable which includes an inquiry to my level of satisfaction during a meal. Sorry.

15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.” Aw man, just Google the answer on your iPhone table side. Get with the 21st century. If you don't know, I'd rather you tell me than make something up, but I agree that the follow up should be to find out.

16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves. Yes, the restaurant doesn’t want to be named in a lawsuit when the customer finally has that heart attack. Lawsuits aside, if I'm helping myself, I'm doing your job as a server. If that's the case, then why am I tipping you again?

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, but some customers hate having an empty plate in front of them whether or not someone else is eating. What do you do in that circumstance? Tell them they’re being rude? Maybe smashing the plate on the floor’s the answer. Wait. If I want you to remove the dish from the table before my companion is finished, I will inform you. Etiquette wins on this one. If you're the one to deviate from that, then it's your responsibilty to say something to your server about it.

18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?” I agree with this. That’s why waiters note the position of the diner on their dupe pad. But what do you do when the customers pay musical chairs? It’s auction off the food time! I agree. Especially in a time when so many people have (real, imagined, or en vogue) food allergies, you simply cannot afford to put the wrong plate in front of the wrong person. Know your stuff.

19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread. Wait a minute. I though Bloomberg banned all fats from New York City! Why isn't the butter or olive oil coming out at the same time as the bread?  

20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another. So when you run out of that organically farmed heirloom asparagus grown by environmental pot smoking hippies give them nothing. That's not your call as a waiter anyway.

21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong. Sound like some of the blind dates I’ve seen my customers reel in. Throw it back! So don't serve sauce because it's runny. Or eggs with underdone yolks. I think you mean, don't serve crappy food. Again, common sense people.

22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a taste or two. But if the customer wants to try every wine in the place they’re trying to get drunk on your dime. Happens. There's a fine line here. Know it, and obey it.

23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc. I guess Mr. Buschel has never worked in place that was kick ass crazy busy. I’d write the info down on a piece of paper. Busy waiters don’t have time for arts and crafts projects. Just write it down for me. I'm not looking for a pretty picture, I just want the information.

24. Never use the same glass for a second drink. When the dishwasher’s on his marijuana break and there are no clean glasses to be found, you better believe we reuse that glass. Or somebody else’s! A quick rinse in the slop sink and you’re good to go. Don't be *obvious* about reusing the glass, unless you're refilling it tableside.

25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table. That’s because the lipstick some chicks smear on their mouths has the staying power of grout sealant. Agreed.

26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire. And make sure not to laugh when they want ice cubes in their Brunello! Snicker, snicker……. Wrong. White wine is best served slightly chilled. Put the damn bottle in a bucket. If they don't want it cold, it's their responsibility to say so.

27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour. So just how are we supposed to hustle wine and increase everyone’s profits? I give Buschel’s restaurant less than a year. Again, customers need to grow a set here. If you want to control your intake tell the waiter you’ll do all the pouring. If I want to pour it myself, I will inform you. Asking me if I want you to do part of your job for you is inappropriate.

28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork. Don’t want to give anyone a dose of that H1N1 you’ve been fighting but can’t take time off to recuperate from because your boss is a soulless, mercenary asshole. See the note about washing your hands.

29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better. Agreed. But if the customer’s a real pain in the ass aim for their eye. Agreed. It's a waste of precious bubbles, and it's loud and obnoxious.


30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from the bottle. Does that’s that hold true for serving beer too? I don't want the dust or the germs from you having your mitts all over it when you took out the cork and didn't wash your hands.

31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong. Have you seen the Brobdingnagian portions some restaurants serve? If you ate if all you’d explode like Mr. Creosote! Something didn't necessarily go wrong, but please inquire anyway.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them. So what do you do if that three martini cougar offers you a handjob? Waiter's snark aside, this is a good rule. The exception is if I'm a regular and have established that level of familiarity with you. I hug the staff at Giorgio's all the time and would be upset if they didn't reciprocate.

33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by. I’d agree with this if greedy NYC restauranteurs didn’t pack their guests cheek to jowl like chickens on a poultry farm. Because heaven forbid that you accidentally brush against something when you move around. Get real kids.

34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers. But if its the end of the night and you have a romantic couple that just won’t get out, a high volume discussion about genital warts is in order. Idle chatter with your coworker is one thing, but a complete rudown of your drama is another. Save it for after your shift. In return, I'll keep my drama away from the dinner table as well. Let's breed some mutual respect, ok?

35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests. I’d agree with this if restaurants weren’t so cheap and actually fed their employees! I worked at one place where they deducted $2 per shift for staff meals and didn’t give us any! “Madam, if your done with your osso bucco may I have it?” Honestly, I don't care if you eat in front of me. You deserve a meal as much as I do.

36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage. Man, I had to deal with waiters who never took showers! You prayed they covered up the stank with a good toke of B.C. Bud. Lather, rinse, repeat. Nevermind wanting to smell the food and beverage, some people are allergic to that nonsense.

37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice. Oh give me a fucking break. Without alcohol waiters would be killing restaurant managers and hostesses every day. Don't get sloppy drunk on the job. But if a customer invites you to share a drink and it isn't against your restaurant's policy, then why not?

38. Do not call a guy a “dude.” Unless he’s a surfer. Common sense.

39. Do not call a woman “lady.” I prefer the terms “Madam” and “Broad.” If you're being derrogatory, then don't do it. As in, "What do you want to eat, Lady?" but if you're referring to me as a lady, then I don't mind. As in, "And what would the lady like to drink, this evening?"

40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad. Yeah, but some of the options on the menu really do suck. Some choices are better than others, it's a simple statement of fact. This one doesn't bother me at all.

41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do. Bullshit. People who use these pleasantries are just as likely to be turds like anyone else. “..one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.” You’re not the only one who can whip out Shakespeare Mr. Buschel! Sorry Waiter, I'm with Mr. Buschel on this one. Saying "No problem" implies that what I requested was problematic. It's not. It's your job.

42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else. But can you tell a guy when his fly’s open? There are some things I just don’t want to see. Explain to me how it's insulting to anyone to express admiration for someone. I think the world could do with more compliments.

43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant. Translation? You’re only a waiter. You’re nobody. You’re irrelevant. Something tells me Mr. Buschel’s a bit of an elitist. Good luck with the restaurant buddy! You’re gonna have a hard time finding waiters when they read this tripe. Mention away. I want to know what's decadent and delicious. You're not holding a gun to my head and forcing the baked alaska on me by saying you think it's the best.

44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic. Yeah, no one wants to know you’re a sickly nuts and twigger anyway. This is probably because I suffer from a food sensitivity, but I find it reassuring when I know you do too. It means you'll treat my special request with the seriousness I require because you know how it feels.

45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests. That’s an example of ageism right there! What makes you think old people don’t appreciate salty language? “Happy Fucking Eightieth Birthday Grandma!” It is an example of ageism. But please don't swear at me or anyone else. I'll try not to do the same to you.

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal. Oh please……just kiss up to the person paying the bill. No. They're not. Your regulars are your family. All guests should be treated with respect and dignity, but some people are special. Not because they pay more, but because they are better behaved, more caring, and treat your staff above and beyond the kindess and respect they deserve. You want to foster relatioships with those people by making them feel as special as they are.

47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests. But if the guests are the parents or significant other of a waiter you hate, let that story about their linen closet/cucumber dildo episode slip out. Ooops. Did I say that? Yeah, don't do it.

48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order. But waiters lose the order slip half the time anyway. I’d much rather ask the customer than deliver them the wrong dish. You know why? Because the restaurant will make you pay for it if it is! I'd rather you ask than get my order wrong.

49. Never mention the tip, unless asked. But if they do ask feel free to inquire if they’re related to Ebeneezer Scrooge. How tacky.

50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout. I’ve found a consistent, “Don’t even think of fucking with me” attitude is usually more appropriate. I'm not an idiot. If you've been a jackass all night and then suddenly get all charming when the bill comes, I will tip you less for insulting my intelligence. Again, it's that whole mutual respect things.

Man, I can't wait to see "Part 2."

Neither can I.

Biotech Food and Political Stability

The NY Times Room for Debate section ran this article: Can Biotech Food Cure World Hunger? It's an incredibly thought provoking article on the sustainability and necessity for biotech food in developing countries. Some of the commentors are for the use of genetically engineered and modified food sources to help eliminate food incesurity and a few are against it. The arguments on both sides are sound. The trouble I'm having though is that everyone seems to have overlooked a major factor in the food security argument. Politics plays an immensely huge role in the success or failure of an agricultural effort, technologically enhanced or not.

Developing countries are particularly susceptible to the flux of government and its impact on charitble efforts. In countries where food instability a worst, often there is political turmoil as well. Corrupt leaders, political unrest, scare tactics, and common hucksters can all hinder efforts for change. Simply put, whether or not genetically modified foods are introduced to new climates or whether the agricultural systems are overhauled is not what will determine the success or failure of the program. Its whether or not the program can be sustained over time by the people of that particular country. Access to healthy and affordable food won't come from the type of food being used, but the system of distribution. If biologically engineered food is being introduced, but the people of that nation are prevented from gaining access to it, or if the government of that nation blocks the growth of a program, then food instability will continue to be an issue. If the farms are being abandoned due to the political climate, then the food source no longer matters.

Frankly, I think that genetically modifying food to be more tolerant to a range of climates is a wonderful idea. The wine industry has had incredible success with this. The vines of Europe would have long ago been destroyed thanks to aphids imported from America if it weren't for the ingenuity of scientists who grafted the vines to rootstock tolerant to the aphids. The same idea applies to the question of biotech food and food stability. But first we need to fix the system causing the source of the instability. Food can be made more healthy in a variety of ways, of which science is only one, but first it must be made available to the people. 

I know that isn't really the purpose of the debate featured, but I felt that the issue needed to be addressed in conjunction with it. Food stability is an issue that is ecological, political, and economic in its nature. Simply focusing on one facet of the dilemna is short-sighted at best. The problem is too complex to resolve without considering the complexities of a multi-dimensional system.

What are your thought? Biotech or organic? And how would you address the political or economic climates to strengthen the program?

The Rumor Mill

Tiffany Jakubowski is fast becoming one of my favorite food bloggers. She's a member of the gluten free community just like me, and her articles are concise and insightful. Especially the latest one, The Gluten Free Rumor Mill . It's full of great advice on how to stay safe, despite the wealth of bad information about celiac and gluten free living available online. The best advice? Do your research and know your sources. There's a whole global community of people online who are gluten free. The standards for what can and can't be called gluten free and for testing such things are different from country to country, so information is different for those living in England versus say, Thailand. Not to mention that just because someone doesn't eat gluten, or says that they don't, does not make them an expert on the subject. Talk to your doctor, look for articles from trusted sources, like researchers or celiac advocate groups. It's those people's job to know the facts and to pass them along. Go check out Tiffany's article for more information. She's a lady that knows her stuff. but don't take my word for it. After all, I'm just a person. Celiac.com published her though, and their word is worth more than mine. Enjoy and be safe.

Is Rudeness Worth the Food?

MSN ran an article on The World's Rudest Restaurants and why we love them anyway.

Maybe it's because I'm still something of a southern girl, but I cannot abide by rudeness. If I'm going to an establishment, whether a restaurant or a boutique, I expect a certain level of service. And I'm not interested in whether the rudeness is a gimmick or ego. It's simply an unacceptable attribute. Food is about hospitality. It's about making people feel taken care of by fulfilling a basic need of satiating hunger, but doing it with elegance or fun. You don't have to be my best friend to serve me, but you do have to treat me like a human being.

Pretentiousness and attitude run rampant in the food industry. It's one of the things about it that makes me the most nervous. I'll acknowledge that not everyone can produce inspired meals and that the men and women of the industry are some of the most hardworking people around. So, on some level, I certainly understand the snobbery and the ego. I just don't agree with it.

And it doesn't matter how delicious the food is. A great meal doesn't make up for belittling your guest. My favorite restaurants have been ones where I can walk in and instantly feel valued. The food could be mediocre, but if the service is impeccable, I'll go back again and again. And if a restaurant happens to combine a welcoming staff with exemplary food, well then they own real estate on my heart. For me, it's about the staff appreciating my patronage as much as I appreciate their dedication and hard work.

So thanks anyway, but I'll skip the verbal abuse, even for the best meal of my life. I'll settle for a decent meal served with a side of dignity.