Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Something More

I sort of feel like I'm drowning today.

It started with the insomnia tha prevented me from sleeping all night. Passing out around 6AM and waking up again at 9AM doesn't do much for a person.

Now let's add in the stress. The stress of being more than 3 hours from home for the first time in my life, the stress of being unemployed and in debt, of trying to better my life by furthering my education, but not knowing how to pay for it.

I came up here for opportunities that SC couldn't give me. For a better job, a better education, and for love. All three of those things. Not one by itself could have made me move. And now that I'm here and nothing has changed, I'm left wondering what more can I do?

I don't want to be the rich, famous chef of a five star restaurant. I just want to earn enough money to find a decent apartment in a safe neighborhood and to pay my bills. And I want to spend time with the person I love. In all, I don't think that's asking much. Isn't that what everyone wants on some level? And I'm questioning whether or not I've made the right decisions to make that happen.

I suppose the stress causes the insomnia, which in turn adds to the stress. And in all honesty, I'm far happier here than I was in SC. I just don't want to screw it up.

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